First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
