Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
