you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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