How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
