Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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