forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This is my gift to your gina
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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