Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
