Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
