haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she peed on how many people?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
