He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
