walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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