You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was born a porn star she said
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Come on in and take your pants off
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