soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
