We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
