there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
