im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize