He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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