I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
