i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize