i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
