The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
