Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
