My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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