Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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