So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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