It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
