Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
