Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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