He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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