Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
