I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
