the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
