Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
