I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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