i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
