come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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