yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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