how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize