Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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