Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
