i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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