im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
