my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she peed on how many people?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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