the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
