just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
