Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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