she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His hands were made for my vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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