I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
