I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i drank out of a bidet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
