My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
