Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
