Everything about him screamed your future.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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