You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize