hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
