Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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