that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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