Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
