I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
