you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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