The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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