Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
