I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
