Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
